I had previously thought that I would have zero to talk about in terms of my personal side of things with school starting and training slowing. Yet, just like so often happens, I have been proven wrong. Training continues to go at an unaltered level, with plenty of drop-in sessions going on and drills that I set up at home. More on this in a bit though. More importantly, over the break and into the first week of the school year, I had several visits with the doctor to figure out what’s going on. Much to my dismay, this has actually given me something to update on. I’ve still yet to determine if it is a good thing or a bad thing, but one thing I can say is a vicious cycle has come around again which can be common when dealing with chronic illness. Let me expand on this.
Over the holiday break, I was so lucky (sarcasm) to have undergone a colonoscopy. This in itself is quite the experience. It’s not so much the actual procedure that is a drag, they put you under anesthesia for that, but rather the day leading to the scope. The day before you are not allowed to eat solid food and can only drink clear liquids in order to give the procedure better accuracy. Anyone who hasn’t eaten for more than 4 hours knows the pain associated with that, now imagine going 24 hours. Now, I must admit, not the worst thing in the world, but still not pleasant. Also though, mix in the fact that they give you a cleansing drink that does just what you’d assume. Not pleasant. But again, this is all for my own personal health, so I will do whatever it takes. Needless to say, this whole thing went without a hiccup, which was great after the fact.
The follow-up portion of the health side of things was not as great. My doctor is pretty cool. He knows I’m a Health Science student, so he talks to me with more depth, and also will show pictures of the scope to show exactly what is going on. While this is cool, it wasn’t so cool because he showed me that the inflammation is still on-going. In other words, my ulcerative colitis is still doing its thing, and the medication I am on isn’t working again. It seems to me that my options are running out, and the doctor seemed to hint that I basically have 2 options left before surgery. Rather than bore you with my choices, I ended up choosing to add a medication to my injections, which should theoretically amplify i’s effects. While this will hopefully work, I can’t stop myself from thinking I am running out of time and heading towards surgery.
Now, it is easy to think, “you still have options, and a new medication that will probably work!” But this is where things get tricky. I thought the same thing over a year ago when I first had a change of medication and the hope of change and return to normal life. With Ulcerative Colitis, a lot of the work in gaining remission is a guessing game. This guessing game, after long enough, leads to a lack of hope, or loss of enthusiasm whenever the doctor (or anyone for that matter) tells you that this new thing will do the trick (whether that is a diet change or a medication). I feel terrible because my initial reaction was one of lost hope, and this is the reaction my fiancé and my mother had to deal with when they both tried to lift my spirits. Yet, there is no lifting spirits when you are that far into the dark recesses of your own mind. I can’t say I responded quite fairly to them. This is also something that is becoming quite to common for me, but it is something that is hard to change in the moment. The important part is I work on it. These people are supporting me in my struggle, and there is only so long I can be unappreciative before they have had enough. This is probably the absolute hardest thing to do when you are chronically ill, but it’s all about looking at and enjoying the bright things in life, and letting those things shine through that will help.
If that’s the hardest part, the second hardest part is consistently being filled with hope, only to have it dashed 2-3 weeks later when you realize the new medication isn’t working. This is what I’m afraid of the most. This pattern has emerged so much that I can’t help but foresee it happening again in the near future. This is exactly the thought that needs to leave my head, but this is the thought that seems to hold on tight and scream so that it is always in the forefront. With that in mind, I’m determined to focus on this, get rid of this thought, and start thinking more positively. I believe the mind is powerful. We have no idea the true capabilities of its power, and if it is powerful enough to produce a placebo effect, it must be possible to harness that kind of power and use it to “force” remission. This is my next journey. I’ve heard of Wim Hof (aka the “Iceman”) doing this sort of training, and he has become quite famous for it. (http://www.icemanwimhof.com/wim-hof-exercises to check it out). This may be my newest endeavor.
But this is getting lengthy, so let’s rap this up on a positive note. Let’s get into training. Training, despite what I thought, hasn’t slowed down. Rather, I have been attending drop-in quite regularly and been given my first opportunity for goalkeeping by attending it. While attending not too long ago, I was asked to be a goalkeeper for a team in the competitive league of intramural soccer at my school (rules much like Futsal). I agreed to join the team and am slated to make my big debut on January 26th!! You can bet a match breakdown will follow that. I also have a few other opportunities on the horizon, but nothing carved in stone yet, so I won’t divulge any details. You guys will all have to wait for that!
So that’s all in my world for now. I’ve got tons of ideas for my next couple of articles, plus a bunch of articles I’ve written lately that will be coming out on a regular schedule for a bit. Hopefully I can keep you guys busy for a bit! Until then, keep your heads up, feet on the ground, and keep moving forward.
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