I used to be a practicing and competing martial artist. In a lot of ways, I am still a practicing martial artist, however, self-admittedly, not as practicing as I would like to be. Nonetheless, my past shines through to my future. I still enjoy philosophizing, I still enjoy grueling training, and I still enjoy competition. Yet, 3 years ago, something happened that took away my ability to compete. It’s something I will never forget and it just so happens to be the same reason I am able to have created AFL.
Now don’t get me wrong, I was already on my way out of competitive martial arts. I began to sway in my belief in the system of “Sport Jiu-Jitsu” and it had started to cause a rift in my training. Nonetheless, I still showed up every day (sometimes twice) to get on the mats and train. In the long run, competing was fun but I was after self-expression and self-investigation. But then the ulcerative colitis came roaring back. Pretty soon I was unable to take pressure to my stomach, and to this day, I’m still very wary of putting any pressure on it for fear of eliciting an attack. Yet, my competitive nature still burns, and so I needed another outlet.
Soccer has become that outlet; goalkeeping the vehicle of my competitive drive. Many of the things I found captivating about martial arts, I find in goalkeeping. For one, although soccer is a team sport, that guy at the back (me, the goalkeeper) is the last line of defense should the other team manage to get through everyone else. This gives the goalkeeper a certain accountability that some of the other players on the team may never feel. I heard in a Radiolabs podcast once, the striker can play for 89 minutes and make an unlimited amount of mistakes, but as long as he manages to score in that 90th minute, he will be the hero. The goalkeeper has the completely opposite problem. The keeper can play perfect for 89 minutes, and in the 90th minute make a small mistake, cost their team the game, and be the sole blame for defeat. Call me crazy, but this is the pressure and excitement I loved so much in martial arts. To know that I have a responsibility that not many are willing to take hold of, and to know that my performance can win or lose games just calls to me. Yet, there is something so much deeper that draws to me, and that is the mental aspect of goalkeeping.
As a goalkeeper, you have to be mentally sharp. You see the entire field, and so your team relies on you to be vocal and call plays, warn them of incoming defenders, or the forward screaming in on the opposite side. Not only do you have to be physically in top form, but mentally as well. There is no room to be thinking about the day’s events, or what you are going to do when you get home. You have to be in the moment, sharp as a whistle. This is yet another thing I love about goalkeeping and one of the things I think is most overlooked in the position! That mental clarity, that state of flow, can make or break the day. I’ve become addicted to that experience. The sharpness associated with goalkeeping and having the ability to be useful everywhere on the field by using my intellect. It’s like playing a fast paced chess game where your pieces are midfielders, forwards, and defenders. I must admit that there is not much else like it. Not even a video game represents it.
The last awesome thing about goalkeeping kind of flows with the second and that is the emotional stability required for it. I have had to train myself to not let failure bother me. I have to look passed shortcomings and focus on the next shot. As a goalkeeper, people are going to score on you, that’s just the nature of the game. Also, the goal may be your fault, it might not be, but if you spend time debating whose fault it is, or feeling sorry for yourself, there will be a lot more goals in the game. As a goalkeeper, you have to be able to let the goals slide off. Leave the analysis for after the game. You have to be able to move on and be ready for the next shot. For this reason, goalkeeping has taught me that sometimes you have to let go of failure (in this case, missing a save) and be ready for your next opportunity to succeed (the next shot). Not only this, but it has also taught me the humbling nature of fixing mistakes, so much so my last post was all about such a thing. To improve you have to analyze your mistakes. When you’re in net, you’re mistakes are highlighted. The ball goes into the net, chances are there is something you can work on. In this way, goalkeeping has shown me to keep my ego in check and focus on improvement.
While goalkeeping may not be the same as getting into the ring and fighting, it sure has led to a lot of self-improvement in my domain. It has given me back a competitive life and outlet, and allowed me to focus energy on doing something I enjoy. I’m a huge advocate of improving yourself little by little every day, and goalkeeping provides me with the avenue to do just that. I hope that everyone is able to find such an avenue. It may not be soccer, or martial arts for you, but it could very well be something else. It doesn’t even have to be sport. To each their own. And one last important note. While Ulcerative Colitis has taken my ability to compete in martial arts, it has not taken my love of the discipline. I may have had to adapt the training of it, but I still enjoy training martial arts. Chronic disease may limit your ability to do something, but if you’re willing, there is always a way to adapt it to allow you to continue whatever you love to do!