The opposing players burst down the field toward my end. I watch as they cross into my half of the field, spreading out to draw the defense thin. I watch as the attack with the ball scans their surroundings, looking for their teammates. I try and predict what he is going to do before he even knows it himself. I watch as he inches the ball forward ever so slightly, and wait for the moment in which his foot strikes the ball. It comes down hard sending the ball spiraling towards the net as I leap off my feet in the direction of the ball trajectory.
The moment I described above is the moment I live for. As an athlete, I await for my moment to make my mark on the game. As a goalkeeper, it all comes down to this. My team relies on me to make these stops. They rely on me to keep us in the game by stopping any shots that come my way. And it is in these moments that I put all my effort into stopping those shots.
It’s in this moment that life is perfect for me. In those few seconds where I analyze my opponent, see the shot, and make my attempt, I am disease free. I don’t have a care in the world except for stopping that ball. I don’t even worry about the score. I am 100% living in the moment of the game and it is this gift that I get from sports that keeps me coming back. Not only does it keep me coming back but it keeps me motivated to succeed.
It is this search for normalcy that becomes an addiction when you have been diagnosed with a chronic disease. For me, it wasn’t too bad in the beginning. I wasn’t really symptomatic and other than having to take two pills every morning, I was pretty much normal. But once those symptoms really started, I really began what it meant to stand out and to do so by myself. I have often wonder if this is the very reason I gravitated towards goalkeeper, a position so forced into the spotlight that not many enjoy it. One mistake as a goalkeeper, and I’m the reason we lost, but make several game saving saves, and only the goal scorer is remembered. Yet, that’s okay by me. But more on this in another article, I’ve gotten off track.
Ah yes, normalcy. That’s where I was. I found that once my symptoms ramped up that all I really wanted was a sense that I could be like everyone else again. I just wanted to be normal after living a life of wanting to be different. It was quite a predicament that I had gotten myself into. Realistically, that’s what we all want as chronic disease sufferers, we want to be normal and go to the mall with our friends, or go on road trips worry free. What this sparked in me was a search of grand proportion. I searched high and low for my world of normalcy. I played guitar, I got new jobs, I tried new diets, and I started weight lifting again. Yet, while all these things helped, they didn’t quite get me to where I needed to be. And then sport entered my life.
Sport, and more specifically soccer, has become my new medication. I truly understand what it means to have a passion and it’s this passion for something of meaning that I believe brings us to a state of normal. It’s not about forcing yourself to jump into a sport if you really have no inclination to want to compete, I completely understand if that’s not your thing. However, it is about finding that one passion you have that you can lose yourself in and just be you for an hour or two. We all have a passion like this. We may not know what it necessarily is, but it is out there, that much I can promise you.
Now, don’t get what I’m saying confused with what I wrote about recently about physical activity. I definitely still think getting out there and being active (in other words, moving) is the most important and aggressive way to fight back against disease, but when you are just searching for that normal feeling, that is where passion comes in. It’s even been my experience that once you start moving, you will find a sport out there for you. For me, it took me 26 years to find my sport and embark on this journey. I was sure that my sport was hockey for the last 20 years, but in reality it was soccer this whole time. And even that didn’t come without a little bit of wondering. I’ve tried my hand in football, several martial arts, some baseball, go kart racing, and of course, hockey. But regardless, it took time for me to find soccer, and to jump in with both feet.
I guess at the end of the day, what I’m trying to say is don’t be afraid to search for your passion. Furthermore, when you find your passion, don’t be afraid to pursue it. There are bound to be people who disagree with what you think is fun, and I know there’s probably a few of my own friends from previous sports that laugh at me now, but this is my passion. This is my escape. It has helped me leaps and bounds and I would bet your passion will help you. Being a big advocate of sport and fitness, obviously I’m going to suggest you try your hand at a sport before anything else. There is such a range of sports out there that I bet you find one for yourself. The best part, it gets you two birds with one stone. Not only will you find your escape, but you will find yourself being active and getting healthy.
So what are you waiting for!! Don’t worry, fun and normalcy is out there waiting for you. You just have to go find it. So get out there, try a new sport, or jump back into your passion. Use it to your advantage and enjoy your time in it. You have deserved it.