All too often, whenever I have a chat with someone with chronic disease and we get down to the nitty gritty, the question of “Why me?” usually pops up. Now, they aren’t asking me that question, but rather usually telling me about times in their life, particularly times in their time with disease, where they just stopped and began asking “Why me?” They were looking for answers. I can never help but think of a very cinematic scene, where the person in question runs out of the house, looking up into the sky as rain pours down and yelling, “Why me?!” as if awaiting a response. This really isn’t how it usually happens. It’s usually quite the opposite. I only know this because it used to be me as well.
It happened more than once, and I’m sure at times it will happen again. In some of the lowest moments of my disease, I would sit in my room and just keep thinking, “Why me?” Was it something I’ve done? Was it preventable? Is this a punishment for my sins or some sort of bad karma that has come around to take revenge on me? All these questions assaulted me as I sat in my room. As you can see, that simple question led to an onslaught of other more vicious and self-demeaning questions. In reality, maybe it was just bound to happen. Nothing I could have ever done would have prevented this. Either way, it is way passed that point now. I will never know the answer and truthfully, at this point, it will never matter. I am in my predicament now and I must move forward.
So this brings me to the main message here. The questions we ask ourselves usually indicate what is to follow. Questions such as “Why me?” usually lead to self-sympathy and a feeling of helplessness. It is often way too hard to pick yourself up off the ground when you’re still focusing on how you got there in the first place. Where the head looks the body will follow, and to make things relevant to us, where the mind looks, the spirit (not in the religious sense, but in a hard willed never give up sense) will follow. I’m not here though to talk about this stage of grief, self-sympathy, and adjusting to disease (that is meant for an entirely other post – P.S. this stage is natural and should not be disregarded), rather I am here to discuss why we can’t get stuck in this stage.
It all begins with how you approach your chronic disease. If you look at it as though it is an anchor, it will become as much. But if you use it as motivation; as a vessel that will slingshot you into the future, it can be that as well. Your disease is what you make of it, which I know is a very hard concept to understand. It is important to note that while this may be a difficult pill to swallow, there will be a time when you are ready to hear it. For some, the idea that you control the effects of your disease on your life is preposterous, and it will be difficult for them to wrap their head around. I promise, at least in my eyes, it is possible but it takes time and a strong will. Disease doesn’t need to keep you down.
I was able to eventually stop asking myself “why”. Like I said, at this point it really doesn’t matter anymore. I began to allow myself to start avoiding the why of things and begin focusing on what I could control. I began to ask myself, “What am I going to do with this situation, this disease? Do I want to continue to believe this disease will control my life, or is there a way I can harness it and use it constructively?” If you’re reading this article, you know what my answers were to this question. Yet, I went to extreme ends and decided to try to help others with my situation. Asking yourself these questions don’t need to end in such a commitment. I believe that just being successful (whether that is financial success, or simply just being happy) is a victory for us against chronic disease. Chronic disease is here to cause us havoc but if we can turn it into something beautiful, if we can better ourselves, stay happy, and live a meaningful life (whatever that means to you) then we have beaten chronic disease.
I find my joy in trying to help others who are going through a rough time. I detest the effects chronic disease can have on us. I detest how people think it makes them useless. This is simply not the case. But, in the end, I can’t make the changes for you; that has to come from within. That being said, it is time to stop wondering “Why me?” and start asking yourself “What am I going to do with this? How can I make something beautiful out of something meant to destroy me?” Truthfully, we all have the power to overcome what is placed in front of us. It starts with belief and ends in action. Any time you doubt that, I challenge you to do a simple google search. Try “Athletes with chronic disease” or “success people/celebrities with chronic disease” and read some of those stories. They are living proof that even with chronic disease, anything is possible. So get out there, and beat back chronic disease! One day at a time!