The title goes two ways really. This is one of those articles that not only applies to chronic disease but applies to sports as well; both areas in which I learned the hard way that it’s not always the best option to go at it alone. Let’s face it, a lot of the time we like to pride ourselves that we did something on our own, with no help from anyone else. Sometimes we do it to prove a point, other times we do it because we feel like there’s no other option, and the odd time we just don’t care about involving others. I’ve been in all three scenarios, and actually even a fourth. This scenario doesn’t really fit the sports arena so much but definitely rings true of the fight against chronic disease. When it came to my disease, I tried to tackle it alone not for pride or because I had no other option, but because I didn’t want to burden anyone else with my worries, fears, and problems. I had an issue with my body. It was broken, and I was determined that it would be me to fix it without having to effect anyone else. I guess this does kind of reach the sports field of vision, I used to view goalkeeping in the same manner. Yet, little did I know, that on both fronts, there were people that were ready and willing to help me tackle my problems, share in my suffering, and help with the burden, all I had to do was accept their help.
Let’s keep things light for a second and deal with this attitude in the sports facet of this article. In my style of goalkeeping, I took the burden of the game on myself. It was my fault as to whether we won or lost, even though I had no ability to score goals for my team. Even though it was out of my control if my team didn’t score any goals, if I let in just one goal, it was my fault we lost. The opponent could’ve dribbled through all of my defenders and put a well-placed shot that no goalkeeper would’ve reached into the net, and I would still walk away feeling solely responsible for the loss. Now, I must admit, to play with this kind of intensity is probably a good thing for a goalkeeper to have. To step between the posts and decide that even one goal could be the difference between a tie and a loss could be the mental state that wins games. However, once that final whistle blows, this mentality can crush even the most confident of people. I’ve learned this the hard way. I’ve had to realize that soccer (or hockey, or basketball, etc) is a team sport and when you lose, you lose as a team just as you win as a team. You are all in it together and most of the time, you can’t change the outcome on your own. Once I finally accepted this, I was able to not only play free of fear, but also to open up and work as a team with my defenders. As a goalkeeper, I can now honestly say that I am very thankful for my defenders, who I rely on just as much as they rely on me. The funny thing is, this stubbornness I had and false responsibility of winning and losing also carried over into my life with disease.
When I was first diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, I played it off to just about everyone. My parents had just recently divorced a year or two before, my sister had moved away, my friends all had their own things going on, and I did not have a significant other. I coped by playing it off as if it was no more serious than the common flu. It would, after all, go away after a couple months of medication, or at least that is what I convinced myself. It did simmer down to basically nothing, and I kept on with my normal life. I met the girl of my dreams and was planning on asking her to marry me. This is when the disease came back (like I’ve mentioned so many times). She saw me begin to crumble, but I still didn’t let her in. I was also living with my mom, who saw me as my condition deteriorated, but same thing where I refused to share what I was going through with anyone. It wasn’t their burden to bear and I believed I could do it all on my own. This wasn’t a good enough answer for them as they stayed on my case for months. Eventually I cracked and gave in, I began to share with them what was going on. To my surprise, it was nothing but beneficial. These people who cared about me would go out of their way to make sure little things were done that would help me through my day. Even small things such as my mom leaving aside dinner unseasoned (because the spices upset my stomach) became a huge benefit. My fiancé was now able to understand why I would be so anxious about certain things. The biggest surprise of all was the fact that these people WANTED to understand and help all along. It wasn’t their lack of wanting to help or care that prevented me from sharing what I was going through, but rather my own stubbornness and love for them.
I know this may seem like a strange article for some of you but I hope the message is relatively clear. You don’t always have to rely solely on yourself to get to your objective. Whether you’re a goalkeeper who feels like you are the sole factor in a win/lose situation or if you suffer from chronic disease and feel like you need to keep everything to yourself to save the ones around you from hurting, your teammates – your family – are there to help you. They are there because they want to be, and it is okay to use them. It took me a lot of time before I stopped “shielding” the people I cared about from my disease. It is a situation in where ignorance is not bliss, and they are better off knowing. Your life and theirs will be much easier if everyone is on the same page. Those that care about you just want to help, but they can’t if you wall them off. You’re defenders can’t help you save the game if you push them out of the way. The biggest thing is to recognize who is on your team, and then work together, help one another, and reach your goal together.
NOTE: Picture from https://www.google.ca/search?q=soccer+team+picture&biw=1366&bih=643&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiJsaudpdDMAhUj8IMKHUaRCccQ_AUIBigB#tbm=isch&q=team+celebration+sports&imgdii=T89JQTm9wwz9PM%3A%3BT89JQTm9wwz9PM%3A%3BADoPUWrWwBukpM%3A&imgrc=T89JQTm9wwz9PM%3A