My goal is to attend an open try-out for an MLS team, it’s no secret. Hopefully I will make the team and in the process shatter not only the barrier that having a chronic disease is limiting, but also that age is just a number. These two barriers have always been on my hit-list since I started this journey, and really, it didn’t have to be soccer. It could’ve been any other goal, but these two barriers are the ones I’ve always wanted to smash. It’s these two barriers that I feel are the ball and chain of dreams and wants. But I’ve already said this, so why say it again? Well, first of all, it’s always good to remind oneself of their own goals as well as talk about them. Talking about your goals makes them real, it gives you accountability towards attempting them. But the second reason is because we are going to talk about steps toward achieving goals and before we can do that, it’s my job to make sure we are all on the same page.
Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get down to business. I set goals to achieve them, they are more than merely just words on a page or sentences I say. It’s not rare that we set goals that deep down inside we truly know we have no desire to conquer. Sadly, it happens. I’ve been there, I’m sure you’ve been there too. Why this happens could be for a bunch of different reasons, but realistically, does it really matter at this point, or does what matter is the new set of goals in front of you? For me, I used to set a ton of goals that really never even came close to being accomplished. It was so bad that it got to the point where I just didn’t set goals anymore. I mean, to be perfectly honest, all they did was stress me out more. But then I began to realize that the goals I was placing before me were goals I really wasn’t that passionate about. They were goals with no meaning and such goals may as well be better off forgotten. In case you haven’t guessed by now, I got over my goal-fearing and set my current goals. And now I have taken the steps to accomplishing them.
It’s been easy so far to move forward towards achieving them. I mean, how hard can it be to play a fun game, get a little bit of experience and get in shape in the process. That’s not to say it hasn’t been stress free. That first indoor soccer season was definitely stressful. It was, after all, my first season as a goalkeeper. I would deem it a relative success. We didn’t win the league, but getting to the semi-finals, getting three clean sheets, and having an undefeated regular season are quite the accomplishments for a first season ever. However, this was only half of it. In the end, I have to be objective. There are less players on the floor than would be in outdoor. Everything is close proximity, so as long as you get up close and personal, it’s easier to save shots, and more importantly, the nets are much smaller. That being said, it would not make sense for me to cling to this indoor soccer season/league while having my goals in mind. With this thought in my head, I had signed up for a local outdoor league. It’s time to put the real minutes in.
Next week marks the start of the outdoor season in the league I have registered in. It will be my first ever outdoor game, with full sized nets. To say this is intimidating would be an understatement. Actually, I will be honest, there is some fear associated with this debut. Yet, I’d be worried if there was no fear whatsoever. While it may only be a local league, my desire to play in a bigger domain loom over this season. Having never played outdoor before, I also have no real idea of what to expect and to make matters worse, I have never met my teammates. I am going in completely cold. There is this weird mixture of understanding, fear, and realism that I have going into the season. The understanding and realism come from the fact that this is my first season, and if I’m being honest, it could be a rough one. Yet, this is how we all learn. You have to fail before you succeed and I have faced that possibility of failure coming into this season. Yea, I know that it is only a local league for soccer, but let’s all be honest, who really likes the feeling of failing? I definitely don’t and I will avoid it at all costs. And this is the same domain that my fear comes from. It’s a fear of failure and a fear of not being able to perform that weighs on me. My disease rides shotgun to these feelings as I feel that for the most part that once my feet hit the pitch, I feel like a normal person. Yet the fear remains.
Counter-intuitively though, it’s this fear that lets me know that I am on the right track. If you aren’t putting yourself in more challenging situations in which the possibility of failure exists, you cannot be improving to a level of noteworthiness. Anything I’ve done up until this point in my life that has moved me forward has included a stressful and fearful event. Whether that event is an exam or a fight, or maybe even an interview; it was through a challenging situation that I have improved. I wrote an article a little bit ago that spoke about iron sharpening iron. This still applies. Putting yourself in that harsh environment, one that challenges you to the max of your abilities, is what is going to skyrocket yourself to success. This cannot be done in a zone of comfort. Furthermore, it is while we are in this challenging situation that fear becomes present, and this fear can force us to put in that little bit of extra effort to make ourselves great. I spent a lot of time last week on a field practice dives and positioning, doing pushups (nose to the earth and to full extension), jumping, falling, and running. I did this to become better, not only out of motivation to achieve my goals, but also out of fear of failing at them. Motivation and fear are both powerful tools and to use one but ignore the other is missing out on untapped potential.
Too many times, we avoid situations because they cause us fear. Fear can be real, but it can also be imagined. Fear of taking risks, fear of failure, fear of embarrassment. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Yet, most of the time, at least in my experience, it is when I go through the fear that I grow more as a person. It’s when I ignore it and continue what I am doing anyway that I realize I have taken one step closer to success. Fear and challenging situations should not be the reason you quit at something. If the passion and the heart is there, there is always hope, no matter how great the fear. It’s a matter of pushing through the dark to see the light on the other side. At least, this is what I believe and what drives me forward.