For a long time, after the creation of AFL, I found myself playing soccer for the wrong reasons. I found myself playing to go out and prove something. I was out to prove all the people who said I couldn’t do it wrong, I was out to make the people close to me proud, and lastly, I was out to prove to others that something could be done even when the cards are stacked against you. Now, these may all seem like very valiant and noble answers to why someone would do something, but the truth is that it is missing the key component to doing anything for yourself. That key component was that I was no longer doing it for me, and in the process, was going against the very foundation of what AFL was meant for.
In my opinion, the key factor in doing anything enjoyable is that you are doing it for yourself. The reason behind why you’re doing it for you matters less, but it has to be something you want to do yourself. As you can see, there really wasn’t much of myself in any of those answers. There are a few reasons for this. Before I get to those reason though, I want to dive a little deeper into why my answers were off the mark.
First off, let’s look into the first answer, which is proving the naysayers wrong. I will be the first to admit that I am pretty thick skulled. I’m stubborn and don’t like hearing no for an answer and will run head first into the brick wall if it means accomplishing what I set out to accomplish. Obviously, this stubbornness has its benefits, but when it comes down to doing something you enjoy or even setting out on a lifetime of work, it can be one of the worst. For example, I am a huge believer that when it comes to lifelong careers, you should do something you enjoy. It should be something you are passionate about and willing to do for free. Anything else is just an injustice to your life’s work. It’s one thing to work jobs you don’t enjoy on your way there, but if you’re heading towards that lifelong dream, that’s all that matters. Now, let’s factor in this stubbornness. If, like myself, you get stubborn and people begin to tell you that you cannot do something, you probably (like me) dig your heels in, drop your head and don’t budge. At this point, is it really clear if you are doing something you enjoy because you want to? Or are you doing it because people said you couldn’t? Sometimes the lines don’t fuse together and if that’s the case, keep truckin’ ahead. But, again if you’re like me, those lines can tend to fade. That stubbornness has the ability to sap the enjoyment out of it. You don’t do thing because you want to anymore, but rather because you feel the urgency to do them to prove others wrong. After a while, it becomes a chore, unenjoyable, and then whatever it was that you were passionate about has become something you want to run away from. I was on that path, and have been down it before, but (fingers crossed) may have avoided strolling down it again.
Now for my second answer, for those close to me to be proud of me. Often I get so stuck on the negative things that I forget about the positive things. In an attempt to turn a sappy thing into a “tough guy” thing, let me paraphrase something I read in “The Fighter’s Mind” by Sam Sheridan (amazing book by the way). Anyway, in the book, Sam interviews Randy Couture, a former World Champion MMA fighter who has turned coach/trainer. He tells his fighters that there is no sense in worrying about the outcome of the fight in terms of what people think. He says that win or lose, 30 second knockout win or grueling decision loss, the people that love you will be proud of you just for getting in there and trying what you set out to accomplish. While I forget it a lot, I agree full heartedly with what Randy is saying. It takes a lot of guts just to travel down a path and give it a try. Those who love you will know how much you’ve overcome just to try and be proud of you just for that, regardless the outcome. Wins in any sport used to be so nerve racking because I wanted to make the people I loved proud, but really, they were already proud, and so does not need to be the reason to embark on anything.
The last reason I had when initially thinking of why I had been chasing my soccer dreams was that it was for AFL itself. It was to show others that you can do what you set out to do, but this only twisted my dream. Yes, I would love to go to an Open Try-out and be offered a spot. Yet, while I want to show others that they don’t have to hold back because of their disease or place in life, I mixed up my success at an Open Try-out with the success of my message. The message isn’t in making a team, but rather being able to train for that spot. The message is leaving the house to play sports with your friends, or going to that dream job. The message isn’t success at the Try-out itself, for failure comes to all whether we are sick or healthy. Success isn’t measured by the amount of times we fail, only about the one time we succeed, regardless of the number of tries. For that, it is necessary to take out the aspect of success and failure out of something if you truly enjoy it.
So where does that leave us? Why do anything? Why chase dreams if not to prove to others they were wrong, or to get more love from people? The answer is simple. You do it for yourself and because it is something you enjoy to do. I play soccer almost every day because I love it. I love being a keeper. I love making the diving save, of coming home sore after a good day of training. It’s my passion because it makes me happy and this is why I do it. Not for everyone else, but for myself. Now that is success. Success is in not letting my disease stop me from enjoying my passion. Every time I step between those posts, it’s a micro-victory. It may not seem big to anyone else but myself, but each minute on that field is a victory over my disease. Each save, a landmark. I prove to myself I can do what I set out to do and that is what matters. It’s about being happy and moving forward. By doing something for yourself, you will work harder for it because you are passionate. It’s not work when you love what you’re doing and to me, that is the secret of success; that is truly a reason to do something.
My biggest issue with all of this was in asking if it was okay to do it for myself, and not for others. It took me a while but I’ve come to realize that it should be the only reason you do it. At the end of the day, before you close your eyes, it is you that has to live with what you do day in and day out, not the others. That’s why you are the most important reason for doing something.