I’ve learned that sometimes there are things out of your control. The weather, time, the lunch menu at your favorite restaurant; and then for me, it’s my dress code. Over the years of living with ulcerative colitis, I’ve attempted to figure out trends of when I feel my worst and when I feel my best. Yet, to my surprise, this little tendency chart went beyond food and beyond psychological state (i.e. stress). Believe it or not, it also came down to my own personal style.
See, one thing I’ve begun to notice ever since ever becoming sick was that when it’s a chronic disease, it doesn’t just change one aspect of a life, it changes everything. When I say everything, I mean everything including the type of pants a person wears. For my disease, it’s considered an Inflammatory Bowel Disease. To shed some light on this, it means that my digestive tract (the Large Intestine in my case) becomes irritated and inflamed. Think when you scrap your hand, or get rug burn, or hell, even burn your hand on something. You know that soreness you feel for a few days afterwards? Same sort of idea, except for me, I’m inflamed a majority of the time. Now, let’s go back to our example. Imagine you got rug burn on your forearm. Everyone knows that rug burn hurts, even days after it happens. It’s annoying and agitated, and you tend to brush up on it and squeal in pain when you’re not expecting it. Let’s take it a little bit further. Now put a tight rubber band on it. Or better yet, put on tight gloves that reach to your forearm. It would hurt and ache right? Okay, so bring that very idea, except transfer the area affected (your forearm) to my area affected (my gut). This is where it got tricky for me.
I started noticing that when I wore jeans, I felt more pain. I had more frequent “attacks” and it really disrupted me. Then, I began to notice that it wasn’t uncommon for the Kinesiology students at school to wear sweat pants since they are always in a lab or doing some sort of sport/fitness activity. I dove right in. Not only are sweat pants like wear clouds on your legs, but I noticed no pain! Furthermore, there were less attacks and discomfort. I thought this was great but I soon realized I can’t go the rest of my life wearing just sweat pants!
I noticed the same thing when I wore shorts. Wearing cargo shorts and the pain was rampant all across my abdomen. Put on sport shorts, and it was like I was disease free. I couldn’t believe it. Now it helps that I worked with a Soccer club all summer which afforded me the ability to wear sportswear over the course of my job and I’m lucky to continue my employment with them. But like I said, I couldn’t wear sports gear or sweatpants the rest of my life, regardless of if I am a Kin student or a Sports Coach.
Enter in dress pants. With jeans being a no-go, and sportswear being inappropriate for certain occasions, I needed another choice. Ironically, I found that other choice when I tried on my tux for my own wedding. I remember putting on the pants and thinking that they were better than sweat pants! Since that day, I’ve gone out and bought countless pairs. Yet, I still have a problem… It almost feels weird wearing dress pants everywhere.
Queue my first week of classes. I’m sitting there in my last class for the week, second row from the back, and the prof is up there talking about looking professional and acting professional. He is talking about carrying yourself in a way that exudes professionalism in every aspect of life, even going as far to say that he will not go to a bar in the town his practice is in just in case one of his patients is there. I thought this was genius. Then I realized, what’s wrong with wearing dress pants and looking professional all the time! I thought about being that guy, the “dress pants guy” who cares how he looks. I had struggled with actually wearing the dress pants I bought, tending to wear the sportswear for fear of dressing “outside the box”. I thought it would be a clear indicator that I was different (maybe not in the way most people would expect, but different nonetheless). That whole being different thing takes more courage than I sometimes think I have, yet since then I’ve come to terms that I’m different. No, I’m not stuck up. No I don’t think wearing dress pants and a collared shirt makes me smarter, or puts me on a different level. I just have colitis, and when the hammer drops, I would rather be known as the guy who wears dress pants and is overdressed than the guy who wears sweatpants and basketball shorts everywhere.
I know it’s a strange thing to write about, the type of pants I wear because of my disease, but it had been something that was bugging me. I had a solution to a disease related problem, but I was to insecure to put it in place. “What would people think if I wore dress pants?” “It’s not normal for a student to come to school in dress pants.” Yet, at the end of the day it comes down to my own comfort because I’m the one living with disease. Having the disease I do, I can’t necessarily care about what others think. My disease is one that can come with many embarrassing moments, if I let it. The choice is mine. Even if people point out my differences, the embarrassment is up to me and this is what I really think this article is about. Embarrassment stems from yourself. If your insecure and someone points out that insecurity, embarrassment is sure to follow. But if your confident in your choice, if you believe in what you’re doing, or just don’t care what others think, then that embarrassment doesn’t have to be the issue because you know the reason behind it. Make your choice and own it. Stand strong and have faith in yourself.