These are the days of the participation ribbon in the athletic world. Even in competitive sports, we have collectively decided that the score shouldn’t matter and that we should allow our young athletes to first find enjoyment of the game before we introduce winners and losers. These young athletes should be building the fundamental skills necessary to succeed in these sports rather than focus on who comes away with the victory after the game has been played to completion. I can understand this way of thinking at first glance, however, it has its own associated shortcomings. Therefore, after much thought on my end, I have a hard time outweighing the pros of this idea of no score to the cons.
While this is not the main subject of what I would like to write today, I feel as though it is an important topic to discuss. Too many times, I hear people agreeing that there should be no score and that everyone is a winner; that kids are too delicate to be losing at a young age and that it may push kids away from sport. The following opinion on this topic is just that, an opinion. It is based on my own experiences in the arena and on the pitch. I do not have a psychology degree, nor have I read countless studies on the material, but it is what I have formulated based on my observation coaching and playing in my own games. I promise we will get into the real article in a second, but this does in fact relate to it.
Now, let me just say that we are naïve if we believe that kids don’t know the score of games just because us adults don’t have it posted or are saying it doesn’t count. Countless times I have witnessed a kid score a goal and run back to center saying something like, “we need to score 2 more times to win” or, “we have 6 goals and you have 3” as they run passed the other team. The kids are keeping score, even if we aren’t. It is for this very reason that I think we are doing an injustice by not properly teaching kids that there are winners and losers in both sports, and life (in terms of job competition, salary, etc.). We are simply giving parents an easy way out when their kid comes home from sports and is sad about the outcome of the latest 10-3 defeat they suffered. “It’s okay sweetheart, there’s no score so everybody won”….Just no. Stop right there. These kids are not learning how to lose, they are not learning that it is okay to feel like crap after losing and that the only way to avoid that feeling is that you work harder to get better at whatever it is you are doing. And that is a perfect segue into what my initial thought for this article was.
It’s okay to lose. In fact, as an athlete, we will all lose at some point. Even teams that win their league, or championship cup (whatever it is that they are competing for), will most likely not repeat such a success the next season. Of course, this is a pessimistic way of looking at it, but it is also the reason that it is such a big accomplishment to win back to back “titles” (because it is rare). Losing is a part of sport. It is what helps develops us, not only as athletes, but as people. I have made the most improvements after coming off of a loss or an in-game mistake. It is the feeling of losing, not the actual loss itself, that sparks such an effort to come back stronger.
When I think about the feelings of losing a game, it does baffle my mind a little bit. I play in a few soccer leagues, one of which is a Sunday recreational league. While this league may sport the title of being recreational, it doesn’t mean a loss doesn’t suck any less. This is where I get baffled. We win literally nothing by winning the league or winning play-offs. Most of the time the players are there for exercise, and yet, ask a majority of those players if they want to win or just run around, and I bet they say they want to win. This season has not been easy either. We sport a record of 1 win, 12 losses, and 1 draw. It has been the worst soccer season I have played to date. Yet, every time we lose, even if it is expected, it still sucks. It puts me in a foul mood, and I know I am not the only player that feels this way. There is just something about losing that doesn’t sit well with most players, and it is that feeling that makes an athlete strive to be better, or put 100% effort out on the field.
I truly believe that losing is part of any game, and it is a part of life. So many things in sport translate to life. Hard work, determination, competition. All of these are valuable things that exist both in sport and life. Yet, when you are unfamiliar with the concept of losing, you are at a disadvantage. Understanding that you can lose at something allows you to understand why it is important to put all your effort into an endeavor. Losing means you are missing out on something. In sport, that thing is usually a trophy, or attention. But in life, that thing could be a job, an award, a scholarship, or an opportunity. These are very important things, and to know that there is a possibility to lose is a big aspect of preparing for that.
The reason I’ve decided to make this the topic of its own article is that I think it is important to understand that winning and losing happens. There is nothing that gets on my nerves more than this current idea that we simply shouldn’t keep score in our sports or that our kids deserve a passing grade just for showing up to class. In the end, it makes those times when the kid finally loses (i.e. the first time he or she doesn’t get into the university they want, or don’t get the job they apply for) that much harder. Rather than eliminate the thing that makes us feel bad, we need to be teaching about it. We need to let others know that losing is okay, that it is something that will spark the fuel that will propel us to improve. Losing at something isn’t the end of the road, it is simply a report card to tell us if we are on the right track. For that very reason, it is important to understand that losing is not failure. The two do not mean the same thing. Yet, failure can develop from losing if you give up and accept the feeling of losing. We cannot fall into the trap of enjoying the feeling of losing, or simply shrugging it off when it happens.
We all play sports to win. We all play sports in a competitive nature. If we didn’t, we would all stick to drop in sports and commercial gym workouts. Yet, the world of sports is the biggest industry in the world. Gambling stems from sports which plays off of winning and losing. Yet, with that in mind, just remember that in every endeavor that you pursue it is important to put your all into it, invest time, and make it meaningful to you!
