(I know the last post here was a return post.... and then I disappeared...thanks COVID... this one is for real)
Nine years ago, in the middle of a flare up of Ulcerative Colitis, I decided to start this site. It started with a theory based on an interview I saw. A theory of anecdotes really, but a theory nonetheless. I theorized that physical activity and/or sport would help heal me from my colitis. Not by itself, but in combination with modern medicine.. maybe give me the much needed boost to beat it. I had no idea that I was actually on to something backed by academic literature, I had just realized when I could manage to lift weights or run, I felt a bit better for a little bit. I also have to give credit where credit is due, I had also read an interview with Manchester United player Darren Fletcher who said the only time he felt okay with his colitis was when he was playing soccer. I thought, "If someone else has noticed the same thing, maybe there is something to it." Not only did this interview encourage me to start playing soccer, it was the encouraging nudge to start this site, share my story, and maybe empower others to start their own journey to fighting back against whatever ails them.
It took me by surprise how one interview could inspire me to get over my disease-related anxiety and push passed my symptoms to accomplish something I thought I would never do again, play sports. I thought that if one interview could do that for me, what could be accomplished by bringing people on this journey with me, leading by example and showing that disease diagnosis does not have to mean giving up on. Quite ambitious I must say. Yet, a little extra motivation was that Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn's disease can be difficult to talk about. A lot of people are embarrassed by their symptoms and, in my experience, it can sometimes be difficult to voice what you are going through with your family and friends. In fact, I lost a few friends because they thought I didn't like their company anymore. Truth was, I wasn't confident enough in myself or my ability to deal with my disease, and quite frankly embarrassed by it, to leave my own house and hang out with them. It didn't help that I also felt as if no one could understand my situation. How do you even begin to explain it? I didn't know at the time. So, with this experience in my mind, I wanted to raise awareness of Crohn's & Colitis while also encouraging others to not give up and retake control from their disease.
I really enjoyed writing and sharing. I loved doing a podcast and making videos, but something happened along the way that had me step away. Once I became a Strength & Conditioning coach, I began attaching this site to my professional life. It became a possible avenue to get clients, make a name, etc.. I began to feel disingenuous. To be completely honest, looking back at this time point makes me cringe. The minute something is tied to your professional well-being is the minute that the possibility of becoming a grifter arrives. There are many examples of this, and I won't call them, but I will say that I refused to become one. I stepped away. I had to. For myself, and for the few people who were reading these posts and listening to the podcast. I needed to remember why I started this in the first place.
Fast forward to today and here we are. I have often thought of writing and producing content here again. It just never felt like the right time. I wasn't ready; I still had growing to do. However, that time to start again is now. Why? Well, over the years, I have changed, as all people do. We all must change as life moves on. Yet, sometimes when we are in the process of change, we need to come out the other side before we begin to even recognized we've changed. That's what happened with me. I have been able to tackle quite a bit over that time, but I wouldn't have been able to go through and share it then, but I can now.
Change is never easy though and I needed time, as I'm sure everyone can appreciate. I don't think this is a bad thing either, although I can understand frustration and discontent if someone was following this content just to have it disappear. But, where did I disappear off to during this time? Well, I finished a Master's degree and started a PhD, worked a variety of really cool jobs, returned to training Jiu Jitsu (more on this in another post), continued to lift weights, and play some cool sports, like airsoft. But it hasn't all been fun. I tackled some serious anxieties in my life (becoming a parent, the fear of death), battled health issues, such as a pretty bad case of thyroiditis and fighting off COVID while immunosuppressed, and more. Seems like a lot although looking back it doesn't seem like it. But I am sure I'll dive into this stuff at some point.
Now that I'm back (although I've said that before, but I mean it this time), I have more ideas for content than ever before. I want to incorporate more research and dissecting the academic literature in an interesting and entertaining way, I want to get back to raising awareness and sharing my story. Maybe even throw in a podcast or video series, maybe some livestreams... we will see. But above all, I want to build a community of support and not just for those with Crohn's and Colitis, but really for anyone dealing with something in their lives. I'm not looking to replicate non-profit organizations and their chapter meetings. That's been done before, and quite honestly, I think we can do better! And that's the goal, to bring us all together in a world getting increasingly isolated and divided. When we have each other to lean on, Impossible becomes just a word.
See you all soon.
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