I've been training in some sort of athletic pursuit for over a decade. I'd venture to guess that I have been training with purpose for about twenty years (although that includes a few breaks here and there due to, well, life). Now, I can say pretty confidently that over the Canada Day long weekend, I experienced two of the hardest training sessions I have ever done. The funny thing is, these sessions were not the most impressive feats I've ever performed. These sessions were not the longest sessions I've ever done. I didn't hit a PR (personal record) in weight lifting. I didn't hit a spectacularly flashy submission in jiu jitsu, or score a goal as a goalkeeper (although I have done this before.... and it was awesome). All I did over the weekend was go to two open mat session at Jiu Jitsu. It wasn't even the first time I've done this back to back.
What was different this time? Why was it so difficult given that on first glance it just seems like a regular weekend of training? Well, ever since my surgery, I've been combatting a flare up of ulcerative colitis. At first, it wasn't so bad. I was managing the symptoms, and although they were inconvenient, it was rather manageable. Then, I did something dumb. Diet and stress are really important when it comes to managing ulcerative colitis. Well, the weekend prior to Canada day, my phone decided to cook itself, causing a bit of stress as I lost everything on it. I mean everything. Photos, videos, notes, saved passwords.....everything. Further, on that weekend I let my diet go and ate pub food followed by some tasty BBQ and cake at a birthday party later that day. Well, as expected, this tipped the scale for me and pushed me into quite the colitis flare. Queue the pain, the constant running to the bathroom, loss of appetite, and the reduced ability my body has to absorb some nutrients.
I've said in a previous post now that I refuse to let my colitis dictate my life. This means that although I was experiencing a significant flare, I wasn't about to skip training, especially because there was no implication to my training partners (like passing on sickness or disease, etc.). In my mind, if I was to skip the things I enjoy doing because of a little discomfort, I wouldn't do much. Now, counter to that, I will say if a flare was bad enough, I would take the rest needed, but I wasn't there yet. And for the record, this is exactly what I did the next weekend. After years of training and experience, you know when your body is truly telling you enough is enough and so you rest.
Well, off I went to training and the training was good! There were some tough rounds. I got some submissions and positions I have been working on for the last little bit, but I also got tapped a few times. Exactly what you would expect from a training session. The first training session, my cardio was problematic. I was cramping up more than usual and the strength I normally have was fading much quicker than usual. Nevertheless, I was able to perform close enough to what I expect from myself, it just required more mental toughness to push through. There were several times during rounds where I had the idea of tapping to pressure. I distinctly remember someone getting the mount position on me after a failed leg lock entry and I just thought I couldn't breathe and it was time to tap. This is very uncharacteristic of me and at first, it was bothersome. However, upon reflection, I realized the mental toughness I usually bring to training was too busy tackling the battle my body was waging with my disease that there wasn't the usual amount for training. I should also add that I did use up a decent chunk of my "mental energy" just to push forward to training after I had fasted all morning. Fasting allowed me to train with minimal gut issues, although they still linger in the very early morning. This fasting was probably causing my cramping and reduced cardio as well. All in all, a tough session but on its own, probably not what I would consider the toughest training ever (still tough though). The next day was when it got tougher.
I went back to open mats the very next day. See, when I get an idea in my head, or an objective, I tend to be like a dog with a bone. For me, it's all about being the best possible. To get to that goal, I have to train consistently and with purpose and my determination had me on the mats the next day. I also enjoy Jiu Jitsu that much that I will go whenever I have the opportunity. Usually, this training back to back wouldn't be a big deal except this weekend I was dealing with renewed pain from the flare combined with a lack of sleep (I was up several times during the night with some decently bad stomach pain) and a lack of absorption of nutrients (meaning my recovery was poor). I also tend to notice my joints are a little sorer than usual when flaring. Regardless, I was not going to skip training. Once again, I ate minimal food, drank lots of water, and battled my way mentally out the door to training. Training was TOUGH. My body didn't want to move. I cramped up more than the previous day. The cardio was at an absolute low and every round was a battle. All in all, I consider that day a victory just by being present. A mental victory, which sometimes is all we need. I was still able to train and put into practice some moves I had been working on for months. To me, to be able to do this even in rough shape shows that in good condition I will be able to do it all the more easily.
I think at this point, it is important to highlight that this Jiu Jitsu journey is not about comparing myself to others. This is all a me against me thing. To me, it doesn't matter if I tap to a white belt or a black belt. It doesn't matter where I stand in rank when we start a class. What matters is my own development. Did I gain something from training today? Am I healthier today than I was yesterday by putting in some hard work? Obviously there is more to training than that, but the important take away is not that I "won" rounds or "lost" rounds while sick or hurt. The point is that I showed up because I wanted to. I made progress in my hobby despite being sick. Yes, it was the hardest couple of training sessions I've ever had to do but I did them and to me that is victory. That is winning a small battle in the war I am waging against ulcerative colitis.
Don't be fooled, I spent my Monday recovering and ensuring I gave my body time to rest. My health and training goals do not include catching an opportunistic virus or infection because I am run down. I ate healthy food to avoid worsening the flare, I rested as best as I could and for the first time in a long time I spent the evening on the couch reading a good novel. That Monday night was rough, I was up hourly in pain, and sometimes we pay the price for our decisions, but the benefit I feel I got from training outweighs the negatives. I know confidently that I can do whatever is needed so long as I put my mind to it. These tough weekend training sessions reinforce that. Not letting my disease dictate what I can and cannot do is also a victory. There is a stark difference between resting because the body needs the rest, like when you get injured or have a lack of sleep for a couple nights in a row, and resting because you are avoiding uncomfortability. If this is hard to decipher, don't worry. It is something that truly takes experience to learn. I have had many a mistake from training when I shouldn't have and I'm sure I've rested when I could've gone. This is a personal thing.
At the end of the day, not only was the training an exercise in physical prowess but it was also an exercise in mental toughness and I passed. I couldn't be happier. Let it be an example of how our limitations are usually mental blockages and sometimes we just need a little audacity, a little problem solving to get the outcome we want. Belief goes a long way too.
Comments